What I first noticed in this passage is the ironic nature of it. D-503 attempts to describe love and death as a mathematical function, two abstract, intangible entities, yet his description drips of poetic language, especially the line "What I want again is that blissful death of yesterday". This passage captures the irrationality of love. It captures the internal struggle of D-503, trying to dismiss these tumultuous emotions for I-330, painstakingly attempting to define it in terms of his beloved mathematics and reason. He tries to convince himself of his hatred for her, tells himself he doesn't want anything to do with her, yet his love for her persists. His love renders him completely vulnerable and exposed to death. He essentially serves her every whim, despite the clear consequences of his association with her. This passage highlights his fascination with love and its close proximity to death. He knows the soul that he now possesses is a direct result of I-330, and he is aware that this very soul will translate into a visit to the Benefactor's machine. But he continues to want and feel. While he's afraid of I-330 and death, he is drawn to the mysterious hold they both hold over him. I-330 is the epitome of all that lies beyond the Green Wall, and this is why D-503 is so drawn to her.
This is one of my favorite quotes, primarily because of Zamyatin's depiction of death as "...the fullest possible dissolving of myself into the universe" and the line "What I want again is that blissful death of yesterday". I think it captures D-503's desire to be part of something greater than OneState, to transcend the straight lines,scheduled time, shapes, and mathematic functions of conformity and unity. Also, Zamyatin captures a very realistic aspect of life: wanting what you can't have and what you try to deny yourself. D-503 knows subconsciously that I-330 really doesn't love him and is just using him to gain access to the Integral. However, he cannot abandon his emotions and continues to risk his life by defying the dogma of OneState. For D-503 his love for I-330 translates into certain death.
Analysis: As seen in the passage above, Zamyatin employs the use of ellipses throughout the entire novel. At the beginning of the novel, D-503 is very concise and definitive in his language, and there is a clear ending to each sentence. However, as the story progresses, his records become more frantic and incomplete. I think Zamyatin does this in order to emphasize D-503's loss of certainty in his once orderly world. With the introduction of love in the form of I-330, D-503 cannot rationalize his extreme passion for her and cannot dismiss what he feels as hatred. It is Zamyatin's utilization of this ellipses which disrupts D-503's perception of the absolute dogma of OneState. As his "illness"(aka formation of a soul) progresses, ellipses become more prevelant in his sentences; there comes a point in the novel where nearly every thought presented is left incomplete. Ultimately this chaotic channel of thought is stifled and D-503 retreats into the conformt found in definitiveness. Zamyatin utilizes ellipses to contrast these moments of frantic uncertainty, mirroring D-503's attempts to silence the soul which swells within him.
Although I was immensely aggravated over the conclusion of this novel(I literally threw this book across the room...a little dramatic but come on!), I did like it. It is an extremely powerful novel and Zamyatin's style is amazing. His use of ellipses and frantic ramblings makes D-503's anxiety and insanity tangible and realistic. I liked that even though D-503 was labeled a mathematician, he was the most poetic speaker in the entire novel. The quote above was intended to reflect D-503's mathematical reasoning, yet is abstract and profound.
